I’m Doing Everything

Is your partner a Resident and are you doing everything?I’m Doing Everything:

Tracey’s View: When your partner starts their Residency Program, you are going to become the man/woman of the house. What I mean is that you will be doing all of the cleaning, cooking, and occasionally maintenance (fixing broken items). Doing everything may trigger arguments because the relationship has become a one-sided relationship. You might not feel as valued as you did before, but knowing you are doing these things will allow more time together when your partner gets home from work!

Tip: Don’t start an argument over house-chores, because your partner is already exhausted from working longer than 8-hours that day. If there are chores that you simply can’t do, then communicate with your partner. If your partner doesn’t do it, then a friendly reminder to do it later or next time will work. Also, don’t expect a thank-you.

Jake’s View: I use to surprise Tracey with breakfast or dinner, but that is now long gone. I don’t acknowledge it as something to do since I do not have the time. You’ve spent your whole adulthood training to become a physician, and you want to be the best. What are you to do, you ask? Simple, you work hard every single day. And, I mean you work hard at work and at home. A relationship is something you have to work at, if you don’ then it will only lead to disappointment.


 Throughout Jake’s training, he started having more time to do this and that, but it’s still a balance he faces. I also work a full-time job that requires traveling weekly away from home. Before I would leave home, the house would be spotless, but when I returned, it would be a mess. I am also that person who likes to do things my way and don’t always expect help, but during these times, communication was key!

Jake and I talked about having children but agreed to wait after all his training because we felt it wouldn’t be fair. For those of you who have children and make this lifestyle work, we admire you.

Mutal Tip: No one ever told you that a relationship would be easy, right? Well, if there is one piece of advice we could give is that a real relationship is a true partnership. When things start to get tough, and it’s leading in the direction of a one-sided relationship, then it’s time to have the ‘partnership talk.’ These talks are better than arguments, trust us. Sometimes, these talks lead to tension, but it’s ‘the talk’ that we had to have. If we didn’t, it would continue to be an issue, and things would have gotten worse. Reminding the other person that it took two to start this relationship and it takes two to last goes a long way. If these talks do not help or show there needs to be a balance between your relationship, then you might need to step back and ask, why. There could be other triggers that are leading to a lack of partnership.


Do you and your partner (who is the medical profession) have a ton of arguments over the fact that it seems like you are doing everything in your relationship since they started Residency? I love to hear your stories, and if you have tips/advice!

Leave a comment below!